The next time someone tells you that you light up their life, you can really mean it. Just pull out your Neon Light Stick that you got for free after turning in this coupon to your local Valu Home Center.
Pick your person carefully, since you only get one light stick, and only until October 29th.
And the prize for the longest sweepstakes name ever goes to…
Want to hear something scary? How about the time that my 46-year-old neighbor dressed up as Minnie Mouse.
That take Halloween and creepiness to a whole new level.
Disney Halloween doesn’t have to be scary. Take these free printables, for example. They are cute, especially the count-down calendar
Top 10 disappointing childhood Halloween treats I’ve gotten:
- A toothbrush and floss
- A can of tuna from the old lady in 4B
- Unwrapped candy that my parents wouldn’t let me eat
- An apple with a tack in it that my parents did let me eat
- Cheap Dum Dum Lollipops
- Generic hard candy that has melted a bit and become gooey
- Cough drops
- Mini home made bags of cut carrots
- Fuzzy lifesavers
Give something better, such as these coupons for free bowling that you can print for free.
Sorry Linus, there is no Great Pumpkin for you. Forget sincerity. Your pumpkin patch just isn’t cutting it. These days, the Great Pumpkin wants a little swag, a little bling, a little tribute for his trouble. Too many hours watching Dancing with the Stars has the Great Pumpkin a bit jaded.
You’ll just have to do better this year.
May I suggest at the very least some twinkle lights? Perhaps a ice sculpture? A “Welcome Great Pumpkin” sign made entirely out of pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and chocolate ganache?
No? Well, yes, I realize that you are just a kid with very little pocket money, and your blanket probably wouldn’t fetch much on eBay, no matter how vintage.
Still, a clever kid like you should be able to pick up a bit of swag. Like this Free Super Stuff-A-Pumpkin bag that you can get a any Val Home center. They are only offering one per customer, but I bet you can get Sally to come along and pick up a second one for you. You’ll just have to do it before October 15th.
I know what you are thinking. How can pancakes be scary. I mean, they are the ultimate comfort food, pure carbs with a bit of butter, syrup and maybe some fruit or chocolate chips. The only thing scary about them are the numbers on your scale if you eat too many.
But believe me. The scary face pancakes from IHOP are really scary. It has beady little blackberry eyes, a bulbous strawberry for a nose that reminds you of that creepy neighbor you had as a kid, the one who always wanted you to come in and see his train set, and candy corn teeth surrounded by…shudder..bilious white whipped cream. It is enough to make your stomach turn, which is probably why they are giving them away on Friday, October 28th. There is only one to a customer, which is a good thing. One is all that you need.
They only give them out to kids aged 12 and under. Today’s kids, jaded as they are on a glut of reality television, are the only ones who can handle something so scary.
Another scary part of this is that the IHOP website lists the giveaway as Friday, October 29th, not the 28th. Which makes me think that this is a matter of some weird time-space dimensional shift. Aliens or people from the future? Or both. They slipped. Oh, but they slipped.